Wide open

In a shotgun trailer type all stalls 3 sinks

Bathroom door wide open gives a straight shot view of 4 stalls

I slam the door shut, Transgender at the sink jumps (big ass boobs, still stands to piss)

“Women do not like being stared at!” (In the bathroom (Any who seem to? Are playing you and the few genuine? Are so deeply messed up it is not even amusing, for a male.)

“Because we grew up with that shit!”

Men? The majority of Males don’t grow up being stared at, drooled over when u don’t even know what sex is…

A few females grow up seeing that as affection

The majority of us feel like exotic animals in a zoo, prey…

With no relief

No breaks

Especially when you have every Male you have ever known sexually harassing you ,

Grooming you

Once ‘groomed’ is it not easier to be groomed again?

As an adult?

Something happened to me

Because as an adult i blacked out!

Literally do not remember!

Something really traumatic

If i blacked out yet no one else could tell?

This person

The Minister’s Wife (in the NOI)

Repeated my name two more times…

“Did you hear what he said ?” She asked me.

“He asked you to be his 2nd wife.”

My eyes rolled with panic…

He was pacing around us

She was watching me closely

I reined in my panic

My desire to withdraw

To not deal with it…

This…

It explained why i was huddled around her…

She saw these things…

Yet I just received suspicion…

I was not safe to panic

To blackout…

To faint

I was not safe

We as female quickly learn

That we are not safe!

Most likely she

The Minister’s Wife,

Had vivid memories of her sexual abuse, sexual harassment

Of receiving no sympathy too

What happens to the siblings groomed to compete for such affection?

For sexual favor?

What happens as an adult?

To face such things?

Would break us?

So we pretend…?

It didn’t happen?

It didn’t happen that way?

We attempt to control the situation?

(Did his Mother suspect he would get raped so young that, knowing she was dying, tried to take him with her?

Which makes him so afraid of women, of females (yet need them so much, so hate us even more?) that he immolates us?

Africa’s transgender?

So deeply fucked (twisted) …

---

I am deeply curled into a ball inside

Right now

Not conscious

Don’t want to be conscious

Don’t want to be aware

Except Yesuah in me will not allow me to!

I can’t even think about crying …