My specialized corner of the internet?

What can people get from me? On the regular?

Fight

Warfare

Spirtual

Energy

Prayers

Darkness?

How to deal with it?

To me, this is all fantastic proof (testimony) that i have been there!

Like i said before!

Been to hell many times!

I keep coming back to show others how to get out!

Except this time?

Not getting out like i used to!

Which means, i have reached a new level! 😊😁😄🙌🏾

How can one even say that?!

Much less THINK IT!?

While STILL in the Valley of Death?

😊😄

Not my first time in a place where i feel trapped!

No way out! Tried everything!

And STILL here?!

WT…F*ck?! 🤬

(Ya know it is serious when i wail and cry, depressed and cussin up a storm!

For me i am anyway! At this point in my life)

I know not to fight these seriously debilitating stages

Because i know what comes after

If i can make it there…(🖕🏾u ny!)

Tis why i could do nyc

Just nyc is/was trauma with no quarter!

No break, no time to take a breath!

And…

I know i am not the only person on the planet who feels and thinks as i do

Just i see very little of it anywhere

A lot of it, me, i don’t see anywhere at all!

So, i am the niche?

Is the best way to put it?

Describe me?

Like in some damn interview?

For a job? 😄😅

Like i give a damn?!

I find life when i say 🖕🏾u!?

To such expectations!

Like Eric Maisel says

I am bored with life!

#aap2 #ArmUrLife

As it is!

And to make it something else?

Something i haven’t seen in 53 years!

To fuckin’ be it?

How does one do that?

Especially without support?

Elohim?

Yesuah?

For it feels like air!

Nothing!

My choice?!

When there are so many 🤬 choices?

Basics!

What are the basics?

I can’t even use their words!

Another language?

Is that what i have to build?

😞

I feel like Atlas

Too much

My arms buckle under the weight

I need someone else to come

And help me bear this

For just a moment

Like they say Yesuah got

For a moment

Or am i at the part

Where he cried out, “Why hast Thou abandoned me?”

For i have been experiencing that

In retrospect

And it is just that bad

This time

Yet,

That makes no sense

The Holy Spirit understands that which makes no sense tho…

Have i abandoned Thee?

In all my years i never have

So these doubts

Seriously shake me

Yet i know You haven’t

So that means it is an illusion

Why?!

Because i am near

The end

For awhile too

To not have to ever go here again?

What would you do?

Yet, i get a little strength and i STILL

Dance around like Ali!

And say to the devoid,

Is that all you got?

☺️

Doing it sooner tho!

Doing it before i am functional again!

I AM STILL HERE!

<pound my chest> over my heart

I am STILL alive mother f*cker!

Blood and spit and maybe some bone too

Flying out my mouth

Cause it makes no sense!

Yet i keep doing it!

As long as i breathe!

Even when my face is in the mud

Cause i told ya Satan!

You hit me and then what?

Naa, naa, naa, nuh, naa, naa!

(There is a song that does this!)

Found it!

Not Today Satan! By KB & Andy Mineo

Not tonight either!

Be dark as a motherf’er in here! And i will still say, “Kiss my black ass devoid! Father of them all! All the devoids! i am STILL Alive!

As long as i breathe! And beyond even that!

In Yesuah’s holy name

Amen! 😊🥰😍