My Commission being

The ability to function under

Stress

Tremendous stress

For undue, unmerciful they may be in their harassment of me

Why have i been so angry?

After two weeks of intense anger

I turned it inward

Afraid to smart off

Homeless, outside during NYC winter ?

I am more concerned with displeasing Elohim

For I would be at fault if i said or did anything based in anger

Then get kicked out

Deathly afraid of my reaction

I didn’t leave my room for two days

Well I stayed in bed the whole time anyway

No shower

Darkness had me

No hope?

You are my hope!

I still have You so…???

Went to the hospital asap

For I remember the signs

Wasn’t looking to be admitted

Just didn’t know where to go

My mind spinning

(Up is down and down is up and sideways and…)

After going to 2 more places on different days

I am now on Prozac/Sertraline

Paid $34

The other is $70

I will get it

Cause one thing I learned from BC

Is

The generic versions?

Are really bad!

Go for the designer drug

So far so good

Nausea, dry mouth and sleepy

Able to …not be tense, constantly

Around them

Able to hear the noise they make without it bothering me so

I feel like a failure though

I hate taking meds

and does it mean i don’t trust Elohim?

Before the meds, my feelings were eating away at my stomach like acid

Now?

I am blogging ain’t i?

Tried paid monthly prescriptions

Hit a wall

Blogging stopped!

Charging piecemeal?

We will try that again

For i blog because He commandeth me to blog

After i do this for 8 years

I forget how reluctant i was to do it in the first place!

Finding the proper $ amount?

He must be satisfied regardless

Because

A Prophetess only speaks for a bit

And I always question

Like the validity of charging

Another way of …

Changing venues

Harder to give this blogging thing up than I imagined!😌

Because that is still an option

Am i with the Lord on drugs?

Legal drugs?

I would rather hurt myself than anyone else

The side effects of pharma qualify as harm

Yet less dangerous than the harm i was causing myself

(Not moving, etc)

Then exploding with rage, another possibility

That I don’t feel now, ty Elohim

I asked Him

As always

I get compassion

As an answer

10/29/22 3:40p SVAF still on for 10/31 at sunset! See you there! 😊👋🏾