To be treated with love and respect in public

With one deemed Caucasian and Male

To have White Females feeling bad because of it

I am sorry

He could have kept doing that

Find myself seeing if i could handle it

Trips to the bathroom

For 5 minutes or 10

He fucked someone?!

I realize later, much later

I tell myself naw

I couldn’t handle it

Tis why

After the sandwich debacle

I came back intensely angry

Hurt

Mortified

Disrespect on another level?

With fake tears in your eyes

Ones he conjured up for me

Specifically

His eyes red

He asks me

Do you have all your things?

I crossed my arms

And gave him my

Leave me the FUCK alone Motherfucker! Stare

Something he had never seen before

Something no one here has

Yet

The Lord showed me my future self

One hard like that

Now it feels like I am on a different trajectory tho

Then the one i was shown

Then again

(Yeah…how many posts will she (i) make about this “love”

As she tries to justify

To make it line up with Elohim

😝

<sigh>

I use to be you

It is embarrassing to write this

I miss being so honest in my words

My posts

This blog

😔

I miss the good things he showed me

Laying next to him every night

I can tell he does to

By the arguments, actually her voice

Not his

The Sardine Sandwich …Latina/x

For he has been with her

Does she know or care that he fucked everyone else too? (The one’s she hung out with?)

Then see?

For me?

There was this Janitor

Latino/x

I was making eyes at before this mfer

Making eyes at during the break up before this one? Too

Except this time?

He prominently mopped the floor

Where i would pass by

And i did a sharp 180

A Security saw this

Kept saying hi to me later

Never was interested in that one

The Suit’s boy friend

The one who always wears a tie to work.

His friend

Funny how that is

Now that Janitor is giving me grief

And I thought yesterday was Bss710 day!

Instead

Today my Caseworker may come by

And I don’t want to be here! When THAT happens!

Found what i thought i lost tho

My yellow lipliner

The beautiful heart necklace

The lipglosses

The eyeshadows

The Leo pinky ring

Ty Lord!

He keeps saying

Everything will be alright

That it is ok

And i wail

No it’s NOT!

All the times i have done this with Him

With Elohim

I am just now thanking Him for it!

For making it alright!

For making it better!

The Lord is attentive to me!

I have been noticing this since i lived in 710, Bedbug SRO

To get out of here

Some fucking place in NYC! 🤬

I may jump at the SRO!

For then i will have more time to find another place!

A 2 bedroom even!

Then Caseworker will have another “success” under her belt

<sigh>

The more you are forgiven

The less one condemns

It is like everything

I have ever took a stand against?

I am shown/i now see …differently?

Like a purposeful

Sanding away

Of anything

That isn’t love

So i am exhausted in that way

Contemplating that!

Yet

Comforted by Him too

(Kinda difficult to be too upset about anything then 😊🥰)

It’s like being surrounded by a warm sea (river)

Held tight

Caressed

Pleased

Rocked

Burped ☺️

A Loving Husband and Father rolled into one

I am exhausted trying to discern the difference!

I just accept it

Because I obviously need it

But don’t want to? ☺️😄

Yeah…

I do.

<thank you Lord of My Heart! I send you to my Sister also going thru heartbreak and anyone else out there, in the name of Yesuah, amen.>