And part of him loved me back

A demon has him tho

And Elohim wanted me to love that?

While ‘doing it’ (😊)

I realized to things

(This literally hit me in the middle of coitus)

1. I was getting pretty good sex (that i was needing, touch, intimacy even out of bed)

2. He was receiving mercy

And grace

And …

Getting messages from Elohim

He didn’t want to accept

Part of him was listening

Even I knew it wouldn’t end well

All he had to do was stop being nice to me

He would sometimes

Yet

I was good bait for the Sex Addict

For the demon

I remember many things

I said to this Motherfucker

My most prominent is

Elohim Wants Me To Love

When asked why are you here (still)

And it was one of those statements

You don’t realize how true they are

Until you say them

For it is still echoing!

The many statements i made to him

This Motherfucker

Another is: Elohim forgives you

The main reason you have a demon using your body

Is because you believe you deserve it

Because you haven’t forgiven yourself

He spoke of killing me after calling him a Motherfucker

I said go ahead

Deal

If i do it again

That this is where Females make their mistakes

That men/males never forgive them for

And I asked for it

If you want a get out of cheat card

(After this last (and i do mean last because

I do need better, from a human being

Cause he would treat me gently, open doors, indescribably caring and attentive (because just thinking about it makes me cry and I remember his gratefulness for being loved, again

If his story is true

He has a place in Heaven

For Elohim knows the difference between

The demon using his body and him

I was starting to as well

And

It doesn’t make a difference

I didn’t like it when the demon fucked me either

And he loved it, that i noticed the difference

The demon hated it of course

It wanted to be loved too?

But it can’t

It only knows destruction

Let him know

Please Lord

Now please Lord?

Thank You for loving me

Caring for me

I will never forget you

Nor stop loving you

I just can’t

Can’t deal

For on that Staten Island trip

The 10 hrs?

He went to the bathroom

I did too

He came back

With wetness dripping from him

Thru his shorts

He blamed it on piss

And I helped him out with vinegar

But see

I am slow

This wasn’t the 1st time

He blamed such on age, etc

Also

Wasn’t the 1st time he had

An extremely young group of girls

(18?)

White girls

Hanging around

Focused on his stupid ass

Because temporarily

He will get turned down

Because it felt good to be loved on

By those who believe him to be white

More Italian than Puerto Rican

They both know how a Woman is supposed to be treated

And then?

Add males to this equation

For he fucks them too

After all this

Doing laundry

At the crack of a.m.

Downstairs

Is where the men hang out

To, ya know

And one talking all this inflammatory shit

On the black hand side

Is the one he

The Motherfucker

Took

Because Luda(cris?)?

Never thought a Minute Man would be so good!

Sexually

I figure it is because he has the natural equivalent to cock rings

He even claimed Jewish

Except he isn’t circumcised

His Italian Father dissed him

For his Puerto Rican self

His Puerto Rican wife?

He loved

And hated

Racism rode his ass too

So the Son

Whom he loved the best

Out of his many

(Who didn’t all live with him?)

Proud of his Italian Mobster Father

Proud of his Puerto Rican heritage

Hating his Puerto Rican self

Hating his Father

That he loved

Who loved/hated him

I didn’t think it was possible

But i saw it

Felt it

And…

I was with an Aryan Nation Son once too

We never fucked

But he wanted to and so did I until i saw his back covered in…bumps/sores

So imagine

Being treated with the love

And respect

An Italian can give

A Puerto Rican

Can give

While at the same time!

Hating you

Because

Of it?

I would be insane

But I know

Without doubt

That the demon is incapable of showing me

Treating me

Like that

For that long

Not for me

To judge him

Thank Elohim!

Because

Throw in young girls

Under 18

Still on literal training wheels

He needs to burn in hell for that…?

This girl on training wheels

Her nanny constantly on her phone

She knows

Girl on training wheels?

Is a brat

A bitch

Nanny smiling

Cause little miss rich bitch

Got turned down

Cause Motherfucker

Didn’t want me to know

And white females

Enjoy

Complete strangers

Sticking their fingers up their vaginas (& their asses)

The demons are excited by such things

And there are more and more

Of the other females

Other races

Doing the same

Like that Asian female

The black one who had to mention he is homeless

See

I too

Wanted

Needed

What he offered

So badly

I put up with it

As long as i am treated like Number 1

Except

There were times he didn’t

After all this

He offers to stay downstairs, outside

While i go for my wallet

(In retrospect, those groups of white girls live across the street and he purposefully asked a female who lives here (that is upset with him too) for the sandwich.

(There is one female here whom i would love to explain to, for he will turn her too)

I come back and he is eating a sandwich?

From her?

Is he too weak too Lord?

Don’t Let Them Make You Do MORE evil

And!

If you

(Like me)

End up doing something you never thought you would?

Something bad?

Don’t Allow THAT to chain you to hell forever

Because

He Forgives You!

So many allow demons to run amok for that one thing

Or two things

Things that can be counted on one hand

Maybe even two

Maybe even our toes count?!

Maybe

A human would/has condemned you

For life!

(Like yourself, for instance

Those are the worse!

I have been there!

He stops me from going there again!

And again

When I think it’s over

Decades went by

That i will never go against another principle of mine

Another belief

Another agreement…

Think about it!

How come

It only takes once

Even a few times

Maybe even a lot!

In your mind?

In someone else’s? (To end up in hell? What about the reverse?)

It is like

The devoid and Elohim made a deal

Betcha i can make him or her or they, turn against You

Satan says to Elohim

What if

That

Is the ONLY requirement?

I didn’t want to lay down with anymore demons

And here i am

Yet this time?

… … …

(Trying to find words to convey what i see)

What i sense?

The negative soul tie?

The addictive part?

The part where you hate yourself

Or despair of ever being able to stop it?

I felt them and

He Stopped It!

In the Midst of Feeling such despair, pain

HE STOPPED ME!

I DIDN’T stop me!

He stopped me!

I didn’t even try to stop me!

Because i knew the futility of it

Reaching out to Elohim?

I couldn’t even do!

Here i am

In despair again?!

WTF?

I didn’t have the energy to hit myself

To beat up on myself

(Bear in mind that the words i am typing are suddenly having technical difficulties (spiritual attacks via such things are real)

He stopped it though!

Both times!

Three times!?

Sooner!

Faster! Than the African Soulmate

Cause this one?

I never enjoyed just being around someone

Every single day!

Every single minute of that day

Like him

(Since my lesbian relationship with a white woman BC) (which I forgot, till just now, typing these words)

I mean

Do i enjoy such relationships?

Or is it

I am doing what i was made for?

To love

In such impossible situations

I have found two?

Well

Like I told him

In 52 years

You are the only one to reciprocate

To show me

What I give

The only one

And that?

Is shameful

Is hurtful

He understood

He diffused me

Am i to let her

The only other real person here

Go?

Without sharing my insight?

Inshallah i will have the opportunity

Inshallah

She will treat my story with respect?

In another life…

Is she married like he said?

I know he felt true

Yet he made a choice

Like I said said to him

It takes balls to LIVE!

ArmJdhy

To TRULY live

Cowards commit suicide

I almost did

And to be honest?

I sometimes wish I could

But really?

I don’t

I just want the pain to stop

ArmJdhy

And Elohim?

Has achieved that in a way I never believed would happen for me!

Plus, never thought it was real in others either

Deeply and truly

This is my testimony …

Alhumdulillah