Waking Up one day

Free from Negative Relationships

Then You meet someone new

Whom u connect with

Who says things that sing to your heart

You talk every day!

More than once a day!

A month later

You start to argue

Everything this person has ever said

Becomes a lie?

As you watch

This downward spiral

In absolute horror

For 24 hrs both of you don’t speak

Are trepidatious of speaking to the other

That person apologizes

You apologized

And it is wonderful again

Until it isn’t

The pain is bad

This time a month goes by

Without speaking

I am tired of this cycle

He doesn’t love me

Like i love him

This is now obvious

And I suspect many things

That had me up all night

I wanted to not be alive anymore

During that month…

I no longer have faith in us

I am talking to you here

Because

His phone suddenly needs help at the shop

The timing suspect

After…after 😭

(Details irrelevant! I hate talking about this, about him…

I wish I didn’t love him

I wish I didn’t care

I am in NYC

An idiot?

Foolish?

Perhaps

A death

Elohim brought me back from

Hosea i am not

Because

I cannot do this anymore

A Man Who Fell To Earth S1Ep7

I must rewatch

For i too am Alien to all of this…

And…

Give them what they want? To hear?

The above a draft from what now feels like weeks ago

When I accused you of lying

Audio

You have nothing to say

I tell you i don’t trust you

That you don’t love me

Like i do you

Your response then?

Remember?

On the phone?

Audio

Silence

Complete and utter silence

Now

Months later

After i send to my other profile

Ur name,

The one you have given me anyway

U enjoy eating shit

Out of someone’s asshole

Your fuck buddies

Not your friends

People you fuck

Have sex with

They mistreat you

I treat you better

I cannot compete

With your need to be treated like shit

To constantly prove your love for them

You must lie to me

You must prove your worth

Elohim

Would need to perform miracles

Without my involvement

Because I will no longer listen to you

Tell me i am your life?

Your fuck buddies are your life

You lied to me

I am your world?

Your everything?

Bulltits!

Move Heaven and Earth constantly

I would have

I was…

You don’t love me like this!

Leave everything you know

To get to you

How much are you willing to risk?

To

Get Out

?

To mimic it

Requires words

Elohim knows

He has been showing me

You have the freedom to choose

Darkness like even i have never known

This is your opportunity

Consequences

You don’t believe

Are coming for you

To see a way out

To have been told

Shown

Yet you continue to lie to me?

To deceive

You do not divulge the whole truth

To lead on…

You and Nigeria fear the devoid? More?

Elohim is Magic

What will He do for the Innocent One’s?

(You think i am not innocent? In His eyes?)

He will make you pay

Make you all pay

And He will show me that too

Elohim forgives

A King

who sacrificed his own son’s

To another God (god)

Bow Down

I am demon bait

So tempting, so easy to laugh at

To dismiss?

To lie too

I am demon bait

You catch more flies with blood

Vulnerability

Easily fooled?

What the devoid meant for bad

Elohim makes for good

He changes everything for Him

I willing do it

Those who love me, love the least of me.

The rest?

Will be forced to.

i am rich in spirit

Running for my life

Those who help me ?

Despite the opposition?

He knows

My Husband?

My King?

Sacrifices everything

For Him

You are not that person

From the beginning you have been telling me this

Showing me

That you will not give up everything for Him

I am His Fool

I do the jobs no one else wants to do

No one wants to be demon bait

To attract millions of demons

To be their whipping post

As they laugh

Yet…

I believe

Even when

I doubt myself

I believe Your Pronises

You are my life, Yesuah/Holy Spirit/Elohim

Something you have never said

Instead

You lied to me

I am a willing trap

For demons

Irresistible for a rat

Rat=Not a nice person, a liar, a deceiver (doesn’t directly lie…misleads)

I will be the foot who believed you

Cause i do it for Him

Because He loves you

Even when you don’t

He loves me

Even when you don’t

He is true love

And until one experiences Him?

His forgiveness?

Do we love like He does?

Those who don’t love Him?

Female Hosea?

That part of the Bible people forget

To demonstrate

How little we love Him?

Hosea had to demonstrate this

By going back

Reclaiming a woman

Who seemed determined to remain a whore

She kept running from him

Elohim kept sending Hosea to fetch her

Hosea argued

Cause she cheated on Hosea

Slept with other men

Who wants that job?

You who claim to do anything for Christ

You willing to be humiliated like that?

Everyone else is ashamed too

Because Elohim wouldn’t ask this of me?

In His name

Under His directive

I can guarantee

He has something humiliating

For His top people

For his Elijah’s, David’s, Moses’ to do

(S)He who is asked much, is given much.

OR!

He is teaching me, showing me how to listen?

To the ‘other’ things?

Maybe both?

(3 things minimum)

There are at least 3 things He wants me to see, to learn/grow, obey/grow

To see, to learn to obey

Only after does understanding come

Who wants to be humiliated for Him?

You think i want to tell you

About my Incontinence?

For it’s back again and growing stronger

So what did i eat?

Is it corn?

Cross contamination?

Interesting 🤔

What would you do

To help free someone else?

Bound by shame?

You have the key to free others!

Someone too afraid to type it

Let alone speak of it

Afraid to even Google it?

Every human has a shame, a guilt, an embarrassing thing

About themselves

Yesuah frees us from shame

Others want to shame me forever about my Incontinence

Only the devoid does that

Unmerciful that is

As the Janitors here purposefully make sure I smell piss

He is showing me this

Right after

During

I just don’t react

To it like others do

He rewards me

When i think i will experience pain

Unbearable humiliation

Embarrassment?

Somehow

It doesn’t happen like that!

He softens it?

Takes the edge off?

Shows me in private later, what they meant?

What they mean?

What they could/will do?

My undiagnosed NVLD comes in handy then!

And He is there

He is here

An Angel of the Lord is honored

To block for me!

Ty Elohim

Truth is a two edged sword

It cuts the wielder & the one it is directed at?

An Alpha leads from behind

He is my Alpha

My Omega

This blog

Is my stumblings along The Way

Belief

Like a drunken sailor?

O He is so proud! 😊🥰

My ramblings of Him

In my sleep…

7:18a 7/13/22