Watched this video 👇🏾

https://fb.watch/ed5mFajRT6/

And all i see is failure 😞

An impossibility

(Elohim steps in)

Pain

I’ll never get it done!

(While the desire to dream it (visualize it soars!)

(Hurry b4 i kill it!)

I see certain routines

Creeping in

The door

Locking

Picking toilet (no window) (means only piss), toilet w/window (if i know i gotta…do #2) and 3rd toilet! Has a tub, shower, sink and mirror!

4th shower w/very tight space!

For this whole floor!

Different standards per 2 floors?

DOC underneath us- (went through it cause had to climb the stairs AWAY from the paint!

No matter how much i wanted to stay and watch Jurassic Park- the new one…

What gets me is

Watching Strange New Worlds S1EP10

Young white female, comes in, gets his attention (cause i am talking to him, but not like that yo? Trying to not go there!

Of foreign blackness and her?

You interested in her?

I am really not interested!

At some point they disappear

(You can imagine to do what…bj)

And i am even more glad, I didn’t entertain that!

Yet hurt

Because it is so easy

To distract…

<sigh> 😞

This is my routine!

Cause I know

I saw

I was ignoring it

Or not taking action on it

So…

It comes to mind to STOP doing that!

Believe it or not

My 1st instinct

I tried it for a bit

Once

My life went so well!

Why did i stop, then?

Takes effort to change

A habit

Continual conscious effort!

Except this time!

I have You! 💋

Elohim!

My Dear Husband! (With Daddy issues? Oh! Mocker version! Mimics! Get it wrong! Right!)

I am scared tho!

I sense an outer plane

Another me

Like an outline …shimmer

Something to see

Out of the corner of my eye

(Another reality, dimension…)

While a bedbug (Lice from Reno? All Seattle bedbugs died (fell off dormant) due to cold in Sacramento and that below 30F! First night in Reno (we would’ve been over then, you knew that huh? Wonder how much of your insight was you or…😞😓(Why! Why, godammit!😖😭😓

(My heart screams!😖😫😡🤬😤😞😔🙁😓😥😰😨)

(Thank You Elohim! 💋

Cause without You? I’d be so dead right now!)

(Barely living as it is..)

Focus

Focus!

Focus!

Follow my 🖕🏾😁😊😄

😅 the little things

For they killith not my spirit!

Adam Project! (Movie: Deadpool dude! Mini me!

Taught me that!

They are always bigger than me!

It would take an idiot not to see that!

Plus?

What did i learn from it?

Aahh!

We are starting to see!

We (i) are (am) starting to see!

In ways I haven’t b4!

(New Eyes!)

Transformed!

Via him?

Like we do for them?

Key to transformation…

Reno had bedbugs passing thru lockers

And lice in the bed

NYC Trip 3 days

A little here and there

Lockers? Even?

I desire to break out of this cycle

Trust Me

He says?

Let me lead u

Let me guide u

I am scared of my first ones!

That way lies insanity!

Which is why

It is the only one!

To get out of this loop!

To leave behind

The Old Woman

To truly let her die

To not pick it back up again!

That is the hard part

Practicing

Not picking it up

Directive?

Baby steps is rocket fuel

Rocket stages

Explosions!

To sense freedom

To sense up!

Suffocation!

Amniotic Sac!

Egg?

Peck free?

Except not a bird

Fire breathing!

Phoenix?

Maybe!?

😁

(Remember …First Instinct!)

7/12/22 8:49a EDT