Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:8 – https://www.biblegateway.com/passage?search=Philippians%204:8&version=NASB

I seek refuge in the verses
Of the Bible…
My Favorite Psalms…
In the familiarity 
Of the routine 
I console myself 
With what I’ve learned from it
(What have I learned from it? 😫)
How to not react to a death blow 
(Really? You going with that?)
As i walk thru mucified coughing 
(Yeah tho i walk thru mocking, i will not fear it for i am numb inside…)
My heart bleeds
(We are not to write publish while so raw)
I find giving it 24 hrs or less, is sufficient 
(What about a week?)
Discord i find space worthy
(The private channels strike gold see?)
To explore strange new worlds
(ArmJdhy Multiverse)
For there is life beyond…death
(I…somehow revived, when all hope was gone…He comforted me
When i had no desire to go on…
He showed me…
That He is still here 😭
There was silence 
Utter darkness 
And then…
He spoke
And color was back again 
(He knows how much I like color damnit!😣)
I mean look! Even WordPress joined in to help! 😅
(😞)
Am I alive?
i ask myself 
As i type these words 
(I confronted the devil because of you)
I can hear him now, “I didn’t ask you to.”

Now I understand why u didn’t understand 
Me leaving everything behind 
Now I understand 
Why You wanted me to remember 
That time i left the military 
The day i met You
Another dark day
It is now 
Because this?
Is beyond that.

I remember thinking 
‘You are the Judas (Iscariot)’
Can’t begin to build 
With the likes of you!
I pissed myself again 
Emotional Trauma?
As I imagine the mockers mocking me with smells, comments, smiles, laughter even.

Fake a smile?
Never!
Not me!
I can temporarily space
My broken heart/mind…
With…?
Do i even want to?

Part of me
Thinks a mourning period is required 
Is bad form without it
Except…

I remember Sonshine
Filtering through leaves 
Looking up into a bright sky
With big fluffy clouds
And the sun..
The Sun
So bright!
Right there 
In the middle of it!
(My Happy Place?)
3/31/22 ArmJdhy 6:53a PDT