i realize 
as i strive to make time just for my writing 
i have a conflict 
based on a set of rules 
that have transformed into such?
No plan for it
Just a desire for routine?
Turning into a death march
My.Heart.is.NOT.in.it!
Stress has me lean on My Favorite Psalms?
i repeat
trying to smooth over
like a skipping record
a loop
a malfunctioning robot on loop
Stuck?
if i would just...
ReAlIzE!
A different perspective!
Usually comes easily!
In Yesuah's holy name
i recall Sewing Class in High School 
2 projects, 2 Semesters 
i did one
and begged the teacher 
grade me based on that one

This is where Cognitive...damage?
is...
Cognitive development...
Cognitive results?
Hit a snag...
Where i'm normal 
things move forward 
easily
conclusions
actions taken 
Then i begin to loop?
WHY! 🤬
it is SO frustrating!
No rhyme, no reason!
Or is there?
take the Nerve...things?
(being open, 💯, etc impeded by beauty ss and arm i see..intentionally...
angry, frustrated, mad as hell...)
How do i...?
How do You want me to deal with this Lord?
Cause i am SICK of people mocking my shit! (yes! even my shit is mocked 😊😄 apparently)
is this why i am stuck?
How do i...?
What do You want me to do with such Narcissism?
this Soul-A-Tree is a prayer!
I write 
i implore Thee
and You answer me!
i feel better 
anger laid at your feet
Thou healest me!
You take it away!
THIS!
THESE!
Are the sacrifices You like!

imagine 
a siphoning of whatever ails you!
Whatever angst you may have 
Turning to Him as a child would 
immediately!
Crying
Angry...
He is SO angry!
In my/our defense...
He will take care of it
He already has 

(below from 11/6/2021 aka Nathaniel 6, DiZAHAB1)

(people stealing my name! from today & yesterday! JDHY is actual initials from a pseudonym…Instagram had a problem with it so i went Jdhy and took out the ‘/’ but really? someone is stealing Bss710 with Beauty ss (from dog groomers to…some foreigners with fake accounts?

even romens812 is being attacked by foreigners (someone outside of USA …in Russia i believe & i mean it really pisses me off!

Got WHITE FOLK across the planet stealing my shit TOO?! 🤬

Got Black Africans trying to scam me out of $?

Are y’all the only country stupid enough to not understand i am poor in a rich country who steals from me?

Does everything in its power to prevent me from succeeding? Steals from me? Uses me?

(ie: listens, copies, yet doesn’t follow?)

Just so y’all understand this level of persecution/ crucifixion is on…

To have people with black skin skamming me for $ …(Nigeria #1, except other African countrymen getting in on this too?) hurts more for some reason…

Cause most blk folk here respect…& rob our oppressors, the public face of the devoid worldwide…things are changing tho…

Because even tho it’s done to me…

…you can hate on me/you’ll get no hate back/won’t turn me into a hater…

https://g.co/kgs/1N1c9p No Hate by Bizzle & Bumps Inf

<sigh> 😣

i confess i was hating there for a minute

…forgive me i had envy in my heart/wishing i was a star/

quote a song from Thi’sl i think…

when i am just a child of your heart…

i forgot who i am!

ty for the reminder

(see? how a dj saved my life? (another song quote) how A song (on the radio) saved me? (shout out Third Day A Miracle song…)

…cause one day you may find you can’t go on…

Third Day

Like The Harder They Fall music specialist said during a Twitter live discussion on the Netflix Western hit said today (11/5/21 yesterday by now 3:56a on an R812 day! Sabbath! i write! yet i do not post!…schedule it later and it is not a purposeful thing…intent means a lot! (How is almost everything, to Elohim! like 99%? 95% Headstrong in intention, He has a way of derailing when we become blinded! Hot He can work with! Like Paul! (told ya him and Peter are alike! Just Paul learned a lesson being a former Pharisee…)

The Harder They Fall Music Specialist said,

we don’t do this for the awards…we do this for the connection!

The Harder They Fall Music Director (?) ☺️😊

(i…ArmJdhy do this for the connection…mainly to Our Father…bonus to others who hear & see…)

cause a Prince without subjects is a sad thing…

in Proverbs somewhere

(in this case…A Queen…i lay this heavy crown at Your feet Lord and…it gets better?)

(Heads up for others out there, who do not have the funds to tm something (trademark) nor $ to fight those who steal from ya…

(this is why, may my sandcastles be nanobots designed to destroy anyone who steals from it…or tries to stomp it out like flaming shit on your doorstep in Yesuah’s name i do pray, amen!

(for My Champion understands rage so deep it becomes despair…

(they trying to make me loose hope lord! (lose You!)

Help me with my unbelief Lord!

Bible Verse

cause it’s getting difficult…again…

so i am doing something right?

(getting noticed according to WP…?)

to have people trying to take your reward(s) from Yesuah after going thru such unmercifulness?

just like the Church who doesn’t use it’s charity to help all of those sitting in its pews every damn day?

this is why you see it falling

see it failing

remember when no one would dare impersonate a federal employee of the USA? (ie: US Treasury/Social Security scammers)

Proof of ‘Americas’ downfall! (i mean who steals the Daughter of the President’s diary?)

Proof of the fall of ‘America’!

the last man made superpower…China! power vacuum …all the Supremacists (nationalism included fuckin Africans…) are consuming themselves!

Parasites all of ya! (bedbugs included!)

🙏🏾🤲🏾 Help me Lord! Help me Lord!

i don’t know what You are doing!/ But i’ll be right here, until You Save Me…

Save Me by Derek Minor ft. J Paul

(forgive me for posting this today anyway Lord! may this help others understand what being an A.D. Soldier means! in Yesuah’s holy name, amen! (i mean we need our own support group, ya feel me?…(there is someone out there who needs to hear Your Medicine too! Our struggle, the fight we do sitting on our *sses! (brought to my knees i admit, Lord! hurts like *uck!

*ss*ucks who think we have no-one to answer to! No responsibility!

Those not under the ‘protection’ of an entire church, get it all by ourselves!

You are teaching me to fight…You are teaching me to fight…

in Your way…i must remember, as rage, bitterness and tears…pain, straight up! blinds me…i crawl to Thee! (the one where your legs don’t work, military crawl? at least we get to bawl wrapped around your leg Father…)

😭😣😖😞🙏🏾🤲🏾❤️✝️